The Godly Woman

Chapter 3: The Woman's Role

"Then the Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone, I will make him a helper suitable for him.'" (Genesis 2:1)

When God created the human race He established order within it and designated roles for both men and women. The woman's role is to be a helper; her place is one of submission. She is to submit to man's authority. There are three aspects to this submission.

First, a woman must assume her place. She must recognize God's order and find her place within that plan. "But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ" (I Corinthians 11:3). The line of authority, then, is God-Christ-man-woman. The woman's place is a position lower than men. In order for God's purposes to be accomplished, all the members of this chain must submit to the authority God has placed over them. Authority has been established by God, not as a punishment, but to insure peace and unity. We are all admonished to live under God's designated authority: "Let every person be in subjection to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God. Therefore he who resists authority has opposed the ordinance of God; and they who have opposed will receive condemnation upon themselves" (Romans 13:1-2).

When the Lord Jesus Christ was here upon the earth He submitted Himself perfectly to God's order. He remained submissive to God, never doing anything that was out of God's will. "I can do nothing on My own initiative: as I hear, I judge: and My judgment is just; because I do not seek My own will, but the will of Him who sent Me" (John 5:30).

This submission did not indicate inferiority. The Lord Jesus never hesitated to claim equality with God the Father (see John 10:30; John 14:9; John 17:5). He was completely God. "For it was the Father's good pleasure for all the fullness of deity to dwell in Him" (Colossians 1:19). Yet He was willing to comply perfectly with God's established order. It did not lessen His status to be in submission to God the Father. Every woman must learn that her place in God's order is a position lower than men and she must assume that position. She must voluntarily submit to man's authority and take the lower place. This applies to all women. The verses in I Corinthians 11:1-16 refer to "men and women." There is no mention in these verses of husbands or wives. This entire passage is referring to the general order of men and women regardless of their marital status.

The logic used by Paul in explaining the order stems from the creation. He does not appeal to the marriage relationship to justify the roles (he explains the marriage relationship in other passages); rather he turns back to the creation to illuminate the divine order. Since man did not originate from woman, but woman from man; and since man was not created for the woman's sake, but woman for the man's sake, the order is logical. Women should be in a place lower than men and submissive to men because they were created for men. They were designed and made for that purpose.

This reasoning makes it clear that the order is universal for all women. Single women must learn to be submissive before they marry and remain submissive after their marriage. If a woman never marries, she must still retain a submissive attitude and respect men's authority. If a young woman is contemplating marriage and has not yet begun to manifest a submissive spirit, there is no reason to assume she will be submissive after the wedding ceremony. This attitude must be evident before the wedding takes place. Men should look for this quality in a wife; without it, there is no possibility for a divinely structured marriage.

Submission is an attitude. It is possible for a woman to keep her mouth closed, be obedient, and yet not be submissive. She could be rebelling in her heart or secretly manipulating men while all the while keeping up an outward pretense of submission. It is also possible to be theologically sound or technically correct about the scriptural stand on submission, but not be submissive. True submission is a matter of the heart attitude. It is cheerfully and willingly taking the God-ordered place. It is accomplished by obedience to the Word and commitment of the will. A woman must sincerely believe in her heart that this is the best place for her, and as an act of obedience to God commit herself to it.

Second, a woman must submit to her husband. The primary outworking of the divinely-ordered roles is in the marriage relationship. Men and women are given the maximum opportunity to practice their roles within marriage. That which was established generally for the human race becomes specific for the husband and wife. "Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything" (Ephesians 5:22-24).

A woman ought to realize that her husband is God's appointed authority over her. He did not assume this authority on his own, but God gave him this authority. The order that is true generally for the human race: God-Christ-man-woman, is now applied to a particular couple: God-Christ-husband-wife. It is not a matter of abstract theology, but becomes practical, applied theology. God established this order for every marriage. He did not say "Here is the plan; now you decide whether or not you want to follow it." He established the lines of authority at the foundation of the world and intends for every marriage to be patterned accordingly. If your particular marriage does not abide by it then you are out of God's order.

It is important for a wife to recognize her husband as God's appointed authority over her. She will then realize that submission to her husband is submission to the Lord's authority. In fact, submission to her husband is submission to the Lord. It is impossible to be submissive to the Lord without being submissive to His appointed authority. Likewise, by being submissive to the Lord's appointed authority, she is being submissive to the Lord. Ephesians 5:22 enjoins a wife to be submissive to her husband "as to the Lord." Her attitude toward her husband should reflect her attitude toward the Lord. He is the Lord's representative. She should obey and respect him as if the Lord himself were speaking directly to her through him.

The Scriptures have a good deal to say about appointed authority. Once God has selected someone to be His authority or representative, it is a dangerous thing to defy that authority. It is, in reality, defying God. Saul, for example, had been anointed king over Israel, and because of this, David persistently refused to slay him. The reason he gave was always thus: "Who can stretch out his hand against the Lord's anointed and be without guilt? ...The Lord forbid that I should stretch out my hand against the Lord's anointed..." (I Samuel 26:9,11). David respected God's appointment of Saul regardless of Saul's behavior.

There is an example in the Old Testament of defiance of God's appointed authority. It should be a sobering reminder that God does not take rebellion lightly. The story of Korah's rebellion is recorded in Numbers 16. When Korah and his followers assembled themselves against Moses it was an act of deliberate rebellion against God's authority. They accused Moses of taking authority into his own hands and exalting himself, when in fact Moses had been chosen by God to lead the people. God's judgment upon them was swift and their punishment severe. "Then it came about as he finished speaking all these words, that the ground that was under them split open; and the earth opened its mouth and swallowed them up, and their households, and all the men who belonged to Korah, with their possessions. So they and all that belonged to them went down alive to Sheol; and the earth closed over them, and they perished from the midst of the assembly" (Numbers 16:31-33).

This is indicative of God's attitude toward rebellion. Although He may withhold judgment today, His attitude is the same. He cannot sanction rebellion because it defies His authority. Any time a human being asserts himself above God's authority he is putting himself in the place of God. This is intolerable. Thus a wife must recognize God's appointed authority in her husband and submit to him as to the Lord. By doing this, she is really submitting to the Lord and is taking her place in God's order.

Third, a woman must defer to men's authority. A woman should not take a situation into her own hands, but should look to a man for his authority. Whenever possible she should avoid making major decisions on her own, but should consult a man and allow him to make the decision. She should be careful not to manipulate a situation to suit herself. Anytime a woman takes a situation into her own hands, she is asking for trouble. God has established His authorities in the home and in the church and expects women to remain submissive to them. In the home, the wife should defer to her husband's authority. She should look to him to make decisions and should be careful not to manipulate him.

Naturally a wife should be frank and honest with her husband. They should discuss major decisions and pray about them together, but in the end the decision is the husband's. A wife must wait for her husband to make the decision and then abide by it. This is particularly difficult for Christian women married to unsaved husbands. But it is of the utmost importance because it is the very thing God has indicated will win the man to Christ. "In the same way, you wives be submissive to your own husbands; so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives" (I Peter 3:1). A wife's submissive attitude is the tool God will use to work in her husband's heart. God cannot use a wife if she is insubordinate and takes the husband's authority. She must retain a gentle and quiet spirit (I Peter 3:4) and genuinely submit to her husband. This attitude enables God's power to flow through her. If she takes a situation into her own hands, she has disobeyed God and has, therefore, checked His power in her life.

Within the church, God's authority resides in the elders. The women in the church (and the members generally) should be submissive to the elders and defer to their authority. The flock should not bypass the elders in dealing with any situation, but should put a situation into the hands of the elders for their decision. They are God's appointed authority. This is particularly important for single adult women. Young single women still living with their parents should remain in submission to their fathers. But adult women who are no longer living with their parents should place themselves under the authority of the elders of their church. These men have a godly concern for the members of their flock and "watch over their souls." They should be consulted in matters of Scriptural interpretation and in major decision-making.

Any woman who takes a situation into her own hands and becomes an authority unto herself is asking for trouble. She is coming out from under God's protective covering and is opening herself up for deception. She is a prime target for Satan's attacks. The Bible records instances in which women took situations into their own hands and indicates the consequences which accrued.

Eve was the first woman to usurp authority. We have already looked at the fall of Eve in some detail, so a quick glance here will be sufficient. When Satan approached Eve and enticed her to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, she should have immediately called Adam. She should have deferred to Adam's authority. Instead, she took the situation into her own hands, made the decision on her own, ate of the fruit and subsequently plunged the entire human race into sin. The consequences of her act were catastrophic.

Rebekah also took a situation into her own hands. Genesis 27 records the account of Rebekah's plot to secure the paternal blessing for her favorite son Jacob. Before her twins Jacob and Esau were born, God had promised Rebekah that the older would serve the younger (Genesis 25:23), but Rebekah was not willing to wait for God's solution. She took control and schemed a way for Jacob to secure the blessing.

Rebekah persuaded Jacob to deceive his father. She counseled him to lie to his father and trick Isaac into blessing him rather than Esau. Jacob followed the plan and received Isaac's blessing, but at a dear price. The unhappy consequences which resulted were more than Rebekah bargained for. Esau was immediately embittered against his brother Jacob and vowed to kill him. Jacob had to flee for his life, leaving Rebekah bereft of her favorite son. Hostilities between the descendents of Jacob and Esau continue even to this day.

Miriam was another woman who took a situation into her own hands. During the wilderness wanderings of the children of Israel, she and her brother Aaron began to criticize Moses and question his authority. They railed against Moses saying: "Has the Lord indeed spoken only through Moses? Has He not spoken through us as well?" (Numbers 12:2). They also criticized Moses for marrying a Gentile woman. These accusations incurred God's anger.

God came down in a cloud and rebuked Miriam and Aaron for their sin. But the significant thing is that Miriam was struck with leprosy, not Aaron (Numbers 12:10). God was displeased with them both; but it was more heinous for Miriam to rebel against God's appointed authority than Aaron. She committed a "double sin," so to speak. She rebelled against the authority God had placed over the entire nation (governmental authority), and she rebelled against the authority God had placed over her as a woman (human authority). When she stood up to Moses she came out from her protective covering. Even though Moses was wrong in marrying a Gentile woman, it did not give Miriam liberty to criticize him and rebel against him.

The consequences of Miriam's act were quite severe. She was immediately afflicted with leprosy. As a result of the leprosy, "Miriam was shut up outside the camp for seven days, and the people did not move on until Miriam was received again" (Numbers 12:15). When she decided to take care of Moses herself, instead of submitting to him and letting God take care of him, she affected herself (she became leprous) and she affected the entire nation (they lost one whole week's journey).

Women should be careful to defer to men's authority and wait for men to act. Women have a tendency to become impatient and think "Something's got to be done!" They cannot stand to sit back and wait for men to make decisions or handle a situation. They feel compelled to jump in and take over. This may be the mothering instinct within them. They become accustomed to caring for and protecting their children and develop a habit pattern of "mothering." Pretty soon they are mothering not only their children, but anyone else who happens to cross their path--husband, friends, neighbors, church. It is this "super mother" compulsion that leads many women to take situations into their own hands and usurp authority.

Rather than mothering their husbands, women should submit to them and obey them. Rather than mothering their church, they should begin to learn in quietness and submission. Some women seem to think the Lord needs a crusading army of concerned mothers, marshaled into ranks and advancing for His cause. He does not. The Lord wants His women to be submissive, obedient, quiet, gentle, and not obtrusive. Instead of charging, He wants them to retreat. When a woman submits to the authority God has placed over her, she can expect God's protection and His blessing. It is when she is out from underneath her covering that she is asking for trouble. But when she is in the place of submission, she is also in the place of protection. Here again, the Bible records instances in which women submitted to the authority over them and God protected them.

"Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord" (I Peter 3:6). Sarah is the best example in Scripture of a submissive wife. She obeyed Abraham explicitly and trusted God to protect her. When they went down to Egypt, Abraham instructed Sarah to pretend she was his sister instead of his wife (Genesis 12:10-20). He did this purely out of selfish motives. He was more concerned about his own life than Sarah's honor, but she obeyed him and God protected her. Years later when Peter wrote instructions to women for living with their unsaved husbands, he honored Sarah above all other women by using her as his example of a holy woman. He exhorted women to follow the example of Sarah and thus become her "children."

It is important to notice in I Peter 3:6 that this verse puts a qualifying clause upon the injunction. "Thus Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear." Many women wonder just how far they should go in obeying their unsaved husbands. Should they do absolutely anything he tells them to do, or should they refuse to do some things? The clue seems to be contained in this phrase "without being frightened by any fear."

The basic principle of the Christian life is the principle of faith. "We walk by faith, not by sight" (II Corinthians 5:7). But more importantly, "Whatever is not from faith is sin" (Romans 14:23). If a woman can obey her husband in whatever he asks, being confident that God is watching over her and will protect and vindicate her, then she should obey. But if she doubts, she is better off not to obey, because she is not assured of God's protection. He responds to and honors faith. A legalistic obedience accomplished in the strength of the flesh is sin, because it is not from faith.

Now, don't use this as a loophole. Don't just glibly think, "I cannot obey in faith, so I am not going to obey." Remember, whatever is not from faith is sin. Your object should be to get in faith so you can obey, not to excuse your disobedience. "Without faith it is impossible to please God" (Hebrews 11:6). He wants you to obey as Sarah did; but more importantly, He wants you to trust Him. "For the eyes of the Lord move to and fro throughout the earth, that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His..." (II Chronicles 16:9). It is not possible to trust God too much. He is delighted by faith and loves to honor an outrageous faith. Not presumption, but faith. Faith is built upon the facts in the Word of God; presumption is founded upon either ignorance or superstition. If you submit to your husband ''as to the Lord," obey him, and trust the Lord with the consequences, He will surely protect you.

Ruth is another example of a woman who submitted to the authority over her. When she chose to follow Naomi rather than returning to her own people, she deliberately put herself under the authority of Naomi. She pledged her loyalty by saying, "Where you go, I will go, and where you lodge, I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God. Where you die, I will die, and there I will be buried" (Ruth 1:16-17). Ruth could have gone her own way as Orpah did, but she chose to follow Naomi and obey her.

When Naomi instructed Ruth to go to the threshing floor and lie down at the feet of Boaz, Ruth obeyed implicitly. Coming from another country and another culture, this custom may have been strange to her, but she trusted Naomi and obeyed her. Ruth's response was simply, "All that you say I will do" (Ruth 3:5). At first glance, the act of lying down at the feet of Boaz while he slept seems to be a brazen display of seduction. But according to the custom of the time, Ruth was actually submitting herself to the authority of Boaz. She was tacitly affirming his authority, bowing to that authority and asking him to redeem her. When Naomi instructed Ruth to approach Boaz in this manner, she was relinquishing her own right to be redeemed, and giving that place to Ruth.

During the night Boaz woke up and was startled to find a woman lying at his feet. He asked who she was and Ruth replied: "I am Ruth your maid. So spread your covering over your maid, for you are a close relative [redeemer]" (Ruth 3:9). When she asked him to spread his covering over her she was submitting herself to his authority and asking him to take her under his protective care. A widow during that time was quite helpless and vulnerable. She needed to be under the authority of a man in order to have "security" or rest (Ruth 3:1).

The reaction of Boaz when he discovered Ruth is quite significant. Had she been trying to seduce him, he would have reacted much differently. But when Ruth identified herself and made her request, Boaz blessed her (Ruth 3:10). She endeared herself to him by submitting to him. In addition to this, he called her an excellent woman (Ruth 3:11). The Lord protected and blessed Ruth. Her reputation remained unsullied. Boaz honored her and redeemed her. Instead of an impoverished widow gleaning in his fields, she became his wife. She was elevated, respected, loved and blessed. Ruth became the mother of Obed who was the grandfather of King David.

As we have discussed, it is most essential that a woman assume her place of submission, lower than men. She should submit to her husband. She should defer to men's authority. In addition, she also has two other roles. She is to be a helper and a complement.

A woman is to be a helper. After God had created Adam and placed him in the perfect environment, he looked at him and declared: "It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him" (Genesis 2:20). Although Adam was perfect, he lacked something. He was alone--he lacked a partner. This situation was "not good." And God did not pronounce his creation "good" until the woman had been created. At the end of Genesis 1, God surveyed His handiwork and said it was "very good." This was after the creation of woman in verse 27.

The specific purpose for which Eve was created was to provide Adam with a helper. It is unfortunate that the authorized translation of Genesis 2:18 calls the woman "an help meet for him." Most modern readers see that word "meet" and change it in their minds to "mate." They just think that is an old English way of saying helpmate. But it means more than that. The New American Standard translation gives the sense of the passage: "I will make him a helper suitable for him." The word "meet" really means suitable. Saying a woman is a helpmeet is just the same as saying she is a "helpsuitable"--a helper suitable for him. She is designed to be a helper, just exactly the kind of helper he needs. She suits him perfectly.

The primary relationship in which a woman lives out her role as a helper is in marriage. She was made for this purpose and is suited to it. For a woman to compete with her husband or try to be equal with him is completely out of keeping with God's plan. He did not create women to be in competition with men, but to work with them and help them.

Every wife has a tremendous potential for either good or evil. She can be a joy and blessing to her husband, or she can bring him shame. The book of Proverbs has a lot to say about wives. Solomon's wisdom rings true in the matter of the potential residing within each wife. A good wife is a treasure from the Lord. She is a blessing, one of God's dearest and most precious gifts to a man. "House and wealth are an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord" (Proverbs 19:14). The treasure of a good wife far exceeds any amount of monetary wealth. "An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels" (Proverbs 31:10).

The old adage "This marriage was made in heaven" is scarcely heard today--probably because most marriages today are not made in heaven. But they should be. God instituted marriage. He ordained it, blessed it and honors it. "Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge" (Hebrews 13:4). God wants to be the matchmaker for every one of His children. He does not leave this important matter to chance. He even promises a special blessing for the man who finds God's perfect choice. "He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord" (Proverbs 18:22).

A good wife can bring honor to her husband. She has the potential of bringing praise and glory to her husband because of the prudent life she lives. Remember that the woman is the glory of the man (I Corinthians 11:7) and she can radiate glory upon her husband by being the right kind of wife. The most outstanding passage in Scripture concerning the virtues of an excellent wife is Proverbs 31:10-31. For 21 verses the writer extols the qualities of an exemplary wife, and tucked right into the middle of this passage is verse 23: "Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land." Why is her husband known in the gates? Because of his excellent wife! All of the duties she performs in helping him distinguish him as an honorable man. She heaps praise upon his head because of her virtue.

You may wonder why he should get the praise and not her. It is because God designed her to be a helper. He did not make her a competitor. He made her suitable for a helper, and when she functions in this role she is praised for her worth and brings glory to her husband. The excellent woman described in Proverbs 31 is a helper. Everything listed in that passage is an act of service: she helps her husband, she helps her children, she helps her household, and she helps the poor. Her virtue is all wrapped up in the fact that she is living out the role God established for her.

Wives also have a potential for evil. A bad wife can bring shame upon her husband. As is the case with so many divine gifts, if it is used properly it is very good, but if it is used improperly it becomes very evil. A wife who assumes her proper role and functions in a God-appointed way is a source of joy, blessing and fulfillment; but if she rebels against her role and functions in a self-appointed way she is a source of misery, cursing and bitterness. The unworthy wife can heap shame upon her husband even as the virtuous wife can heap glory upon her husband. "An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who shames him is as rottenness in his bones" (Proverbs 12:4). The excellent wife strengthens and builds up her husband, but the evil wife weakens and destroys him. She is like a cancer eating out his insides. She has the potential of wrecking his whole life.

God established marriage. He said, "It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make a helper suitable for him." He also said, "For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24). If an individual is willing to wait for God's perfect choice in a mate, and if a couple is then willing to establish a scripturally-ordered home in which both parties assume their proper roles, they will find joy and blessing unspeakable. They will have a little bit of heaven right here on earth. Conversely, an individual who is not willing to wait for God's chosen partner is asking for trouble. To marry out of the will of God is to sentence yourself to a little bit of hell on earth. Marriage to the wrong partner, without scriptural roles or divine blessing, is destined to be unhappy, frustrated and defeated.

One way in which a wife can be her husband's helper is to be his friend. One of the best relationships established between husband and wife is that of friendship. It is one of the most enduring and endearing of relationships. It might carry the marriage through some rough spots where another relationship would not. The book of Proverbs hints at this relationship when it says, "The heart of her husband trusts in her" (31:11). A good wife is a confidante. Her husband knows he can confide in her and she will not betray his trust. She loves and respects him, but she is also his best friend so she will be loyal to him. She will share the joys and trials of his life as only a friend can, and will always be worthy of the trust he has placed in her.

A woman is to be a complement. After God had created Adam, He said that it was not good for Adam to be alone. The reason it was not good was that Adam was incomplete. In and of himself, he was only half of a unit. He was a perfect half, but he was still only a half. The whole human unit is "male and female." God intended for men and women to complete each other. Each one fills up what is lacking in the other. The woman's nature and talents should fulfill areas in the man's nature where he is lacking; likewise, the man's nature and talents should fulfill areas in the woman's nature where she is lacking. God made His creatures complementary in order to balance them.

God is balanced. His character is not lopsided. So He made His creation balanced. He built into each one strengths and weaknesses which perfectly offset each other. When the two are combined, they form a strong, united whole. Woman was made to be a complement to man. She was made to fulfill the man. Her nature is such that it balances the man; her role is such that it helps the man. Men and women were not created to be just alike in nature or in their roles. When human beings try to force women into men's roles they are pushing them into positions which they are not suited to fulfill. The result will be either frustration or collision. They will be frustrated because they are unable to live out that role and yearn for their proper role. Or they will collide with men as they compete with them on the masculine level.

Women should settle it in their minds--they are different from men. They were made that way and will only be content when they are in their proper role. Men and women were created to be analogous to each other and harmonious with each other, but different. Their natures are different and their roles are different. To find fulfillment and satisfaction in God's plan, a woman needs to accept her role as God's best for her.

Next: Chapter 4: The Woman's Ministry